With the semester coming to a close I feel the need to write
down how I've been feeling somewhere other than just my journal. Who knew you
could come to miss the time you got to devote solely to writing letters on
P-day.
First, I am so grateful.
The months leading up to coming home I was
scared of what would happen. Who I would be, how life would play out, how I
would keep the Spirit with me. The day before I left I got to talk with my
mission president (I love that man so much!) in response to all my concerns he
gave me some of the best advice I have ever been given. First, continue to pray
always, and feast upon the scriptures daily. Second, go to the temple weekly.
Third enjoy this phase of your life.
I immediately put the first two into practice and I am so
grateful I did. Taking time to pray, study the scriptures and go to the temple
may seem like a burden when added to the never ending to-do lists of college
life but when you make them your foundation, they become your haven. The safe
place you can run to in times of turmoil or heartache or peace.
The third one was always in the back of my mind. What did I
need to do to "enjoy" this time I've been given? I didn't want this
to just be a filler space, like what we add to commercial fertilizers in my
soils class when your nutrients don't take up all the weight required. I wanted
to find purpose. I had just spent a year and a half of my life preaching that
this life has purpose and meaning. So how does that apply to me? Well that is
what I set to work to find out. And boy did I find it.
I have loved this time of my life, the beginning of my “single
RM college phase”, SO MUCH. Why? Because I chose to. I stripped away everything
I knew about myself before and started over. And what did I find? I found that
what Helaman was trying to convey to his sons is true. So true. "And now, my sons, remember, remember
that it is upon the rock of our Redeemer, who is Christ, the Son of God, that
ye must build your foundation; that when the devil shall send forth his mighty
winds, yea, his shafts in the whirlwind, yea, when all his hail and his mighty
storm shall beat upon you, it shall have no power over you to drag you down to
the gulf of misery and endless wo, because of the rock upon which ye are built,
which is a sure foundation, a foundation whereon if men build they cannot fall."
(Helaman 5:12) From there I started building. I didn't just want to build any
kind of life. I wanted to build a life where God was always there in the
decisions. So I worked hard at school, found a job and started filling my “free-time”
with things I enjoy. I knew there were things that hadn't changed about myself,
such as my love of baking or eating ice-cream. But I also knew that I wanted to
branch out. My mission gave me a love of trying new things. So I've eaten Indian
food, gone salsa dancing, tried early morning runs, seen musicals (and puppet
shows), gone hiking, had Friday game nights, listened to oboe concerts, played
lots of games of pool, gone start gazing and the list could go on and on. But
most of all I've found that the basics never change. No matter what I fill my
weekends with I still find myself praying in those quiet moments, reading conference
talks—wanting to share the feelings they bring to my heart with everyone in the
world and serving others, even in small and almost insignificant ways. Why?
Because that’s what makes me happiest.
Yes, I have found that I love Chemistry (which took a long and
winding road), that I’m really good at washing dishes and that Utah in the
spring just might be one of the most beautiful things you've ever seen. But I
would have never found that or the joy that I feel without the basis of the
gospel.
I honestly love this phase of life. I have learned so much
about myself, it’s crazy! I also have the blessing of getting to focus my time
on building my relationship with my family, finding good friends, and just
getting to take in the beauty of life. There is nothing like getting to walk to
school under the sunshine filled blue sky, listening to the birds sing (or the
same Taylor Swift song over and over again). Plus since it’s just me I can up
and change my schedule without anyone complaining. I can go for long drives. I
can read chemistry textbook (yes I really do actually enjoy that). I can
practice speaking German. I can eat ice-cream.
Someone once told me the secret to coming home from a
mission was not “adjusting” and fitting back into your old life but learning to
“adapt” to your new surroundings without losing anything that you gained from
your mission. I can tell you that is true. It can be a hard and daunting task
but it is oh so worth it. I think I have smiled more in the last 3 months of my
life than I ever did before. God is good and so is every phase of life. “Whatever
our age, whatever our location, when things occur in our lives, we are always
in the middle. What’s more, we will forever be in the middle.” (Always in the Middle,President Uchtdorf) May we all learn to ENJOY the middle.
Love,
Alexandria
